"Supporting the Ones You Love"
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101
102
My cell phone started to ring. I glanced at the clock. It was 3:36. Normally I would be concerned,
but I knew who it was. Should I answer? If I didn't the calls would continue for the rest of the night. If I
did pull myself out of my bed, she would just scream at me some more. Why was it that no matter what I
did for her, she was upset with me? What the hell. I might as well pick it up and let her scream at me
and lower my self esteem another notch.
"Hello," I said answering my phone, moments before it hit voice mail.
"Fuck you," Marilyn replied. "I don't give a fuck what you say you fucking piece of shit, I'll fucking kill
those bitches! Fucking bitches. They wanna start shit with my best friend and then fucking...fucking
bitches talk shit. I mean do you even care about a daughter you worthless piece of shit? Fucking letting
those dumb sluts talk shit about our kid you fucking son of a bitch!"
"Alright," I said in a calm and soothing voice. "Settle down. Just relax and don't think about it, alright.
Why don't you just watch some T.V. and go to sleep and we'll talk about it in the morning, okay?"
"Don't you fucking tell me what to do you fucking asshole." She yelled, "You know what, Fuck you
Ben. Fuck you. You look at your daughter as a way to exploit something that....you fucking asshole. You
know what, I just fucking hate you. Honestly, I just wish you would die. I just hate you so much. I just
wish you were dead and the fuck out of my life, and out if your daughters life. I know you fuck these sluts
you fucking slut. You fuck that Lisa whore and I....FUCK YOU BEN! Just fucking die. Please."
"I'm sorry, okay?" I responded, "I'm seriously not trying to piss you off. I don't want us to fight. I just
think we shouldn't talk about all of this in the morning. If you're mad, just call me in th.."
"You fucking asshole." She slurred, "You suck Ben. I loved you and you just fucking lied to me."
"What are you talking about?" I asked.
"You said you would love me forever. And I still love you Ben. Do you know that?" She asked.
"Yes. I still love you. Do you think I left you because I stopped loving you? I left because I made you
miserable." I responded. "You always hated me. I knew you could never be happy unless I was gone."
"You know what?" She asked. "You just hurt me. I mean, those girls that came to your concert had
no right to request the song you wrote about our daughter. Do you understand? I mean, they don't know
her. They're a bunch of stupid fucking whores that have the nerve to ask you to play a song about my
fucking kid? They don't know my daughter. I swear Ben, if I see those girls again I'll fucking....I
mean...obviously I won't kill them. But you know what, I'll kick those fucking sluts asses cuz that's just
fucked up and disrespectful to me. They don't know my fucking daughter. I swear those fucking bitches
are sluts. Do you understand what I'm saying?"
"No." I replied puzzled by her point. "You can't get upset at someone for requesting a song at one of
my bands shows. That doesn't even make sense. Regardless if the song is about our daughter. I don't
even know why you're mad."
"I'm mad because those sluts ask to hear the song about my fucking daughter you fucking piece of
shit!" She screamed again. "Those fucking bitch sluts ask for that song...I'll fucking kick their asses. They
totally mocked Jenny and I'll kick those bitches asses! Jenny is my best friend and after she asked you to
play the song about Fiona, they only asked to start shit. Those fucking sluts. You know it pisses me off.
You don't even defend me and tell those sluts to fuck themselves...."
"They are our fans!" I interrupted. "And they heard Jenny ask for the song and just agreed! I know
those girls, and I saw everything. They were in front row and the only person who started anything was
you. You need to stop going out and trying to fight everyone. You are a mom now and you....."
"Ohhh FUCK YOU! ASSHOLE!" She was even more irate, the exact reason I asked her to wait until
morning to sleep off her booze filled night. I still couldn't comprehend what the hell her point was.
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"Seriously" I pleaded wanting to sleep. "I think we should talk about this in the morning. I was the only one sober and I
honestly don't think they were doing anything to antagonize you. If they were, it was only in response to your calling then
fucking sluts all night."
"You know what." She replied. "I didn't say shit until they started shit with Jenny, and she's my best friend and I'm not
letting some stupid fucking sluts talk shit about..."
"No, no" I attempted to rebuttal.
"No, listen asshole." She said again, "Those girls are fucking bitch ass sluts and I will kill them. Fucking sluts."
"No," I said. "An hour before I even played you were calling them sluts from across the room."
"Bull fucking shit!" She argued. "I didn't do anything to those fucking sluts."
"Yes you did," I responded. "You called them a bunch of sluts and yelled at them while they tried to ignore you. You
did it for like five minutes and I finally calmed you down. Do you seriously not remember? How can you not remember
anything?"
"I did not do any of that," she argued. I knew she remembered. Just like I knew she remembered all the things she did in
our relationship. She was just upset and couldn't face the fact that she did all this herself. It was funny that she was so
pissed at me. 3 hours ago she couldn't keep her hands off of me and had her lips all over me. That is before the argument
we had and she chose another guy to rub on like a cat in heat. Showing her true colors that she refused to face. "Those
girls are fucking sluts. You know what? I loved you. You hurt me. Such an asshole. Even though you were the best I've
ever had."
"Well at least that's flattering." I responded.
"Don't get a big ego, Sex isn't everything. I just loved you and you lied to me. You said we would always be together
and you lied. Just like you lied about being sterile. Fuck you asshole. You just always lie." She started to cry. "Fuck you
asshole. You suck. Just a goddamn liar. A fucking man whore. I know you fuck all your stupid groupies."
"Jesus, "I replied to her false accusations. "I told you, I haven't been with anyone since you. I never stopped loving you,
I just knew you hated me so I left to make you happy." It was the same conversation. I'm a liar because we had a child,
despite being told it wasn't possible. I'm a liar because I said our relationship would work and it didn't. All situations I had
no control over. She was so obvious. She just hurt me the same usual ways. She had lost her imagination, and couldn't
even hurt me sufficient anymore.
"Just so you know, I fucked Bobby after we broke up." She blurted.
I was stunned. She dated Bobby, my former friend and had always talked shit about him. She always said he was a
terrible fuck, and that he was a retard. The guy was about as sharp as a wooden spoon, and bathed about once a week. A
real user on top of that. I remember he would take money from her purse while she used the restroom, and made her pay for
everything when he wasn't busy stealing from her. She knew about all of those situations and I would catch her hanging out
with him frequently when we were together. It bothered me. For some odd reason I thought she was serious when she
would say that she would never even think about being with him again. Why would anyone want to be with a guy that
smells and steals anyway? I knew it! I was right all that time. My instincts were correct.
"I knew that," I lied. "I'm not an idiot." Although I was one. She had made me look like a fool and I knew that meant
everyone knew and had been keeping it from me. Bobby was known to brag, so I had looked like a fool for the past two
years. Two years not even looking at anyone else, knowing that if I ever was with another, she would never have me back. I
defended her honor numerous times when my friends would ask if she was fucking him. She had always said she would
never do that with someone. She always told me she thought sex was sacred and only slept with the people she loved. I
thought she was special. I thought she was a true gem, pure and unable to do such things. Worst of all, she knew that by
doing such a thing would hurt me more than anything else, and she did it anyway. She knew that by hurting me in such
away, we could never be together again. My image of her was forever destroyed. She was no different than any other girl I
dated. Maybe my image was blurred because she was the mother of my child. My stomach stated to turn. I was going to
vomit. My heart began to race. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't handle this. Not right now. Then I thought of Jason, a friend
she would frequently spend time with, usually staying out until past five in the morning with him.
"What about Jason?" I asked, sitting down with my head between my legs.
"Oh, I loved Jason." She responded. "I loved him more than anything. More than I ever loved you. But I never did
anything with him."
"I see," I responded. "You left me emotionally months before I left you. I knew it." I puked on my living room floor. I fell
to the ground, my face laying in my warm vomit.
"Fuck you Ben," she said again. "I don't care. I fucking hate you."
"I need to go," I said fighting back my tears.
"Pfft. Fuck you asshole. You know what. Whatever." She replied.
"Please," I pleaded. "I need to go."
"Fine, whatever." She said as she hung up.
I threw up again. I had sacrificed everything for her. Quit my job to spend more time with her. Shit, I pawned my amp
to go on our first date. No matter what I did she never loved me as much as I had loved her. Now she made it apparent
more than ever. I thought leaving her was hard enough. Now we could never be together again. She made sure of that.
Knowing she loved another while she was with me was too much to take.
Of course I couldn't forget about the fact she had been with Bobby. I was devastated. Why? Was I that horrible? How
could she do something so horrible to me? Was I so awful to her. Maybe I deserved it. I hated myself. I threw up again. I
could never put her through what I was going through right now. My mind started to race more. It took her over a year to
get over Bobby, but she was sleeping with him only a few months after me. I threw up again as I realized that her feelings
for him were much stronger than they had ever been for me. I grabbed a bottle of pills and thought of my daughter. Was I
that horrible? Did she really want me dead. Her life would be easier if I was gone. Perhaps she would finally be happy. I
thought of my daughter again. I set down the pills and went to the kitchen and cleaned my face and vomit.
I filled up a glass full of water and went into my bedroom and put my head on my pillow. I thought of Bobby and Jason
again and once again threw up, this time off the edge of my bed. I felt a tear roll down my face. I broke down and started
to cry. It had been over five years since I even shed a tear, and I had swore off ever letting someone hurt me again.
Although the pain was too much, and I broke down.
My daughter saved my life that night. I turned on the T.V. and let the glow overcome me, as well as the tears. Three
Chord Mafia came out of my idiot box warming the room around me. Their music was so heartfelt and warm. I realized
others go through the horrible situations I was going through. They could relate to me. That night I swore to repay them in
any way possible, helping to spread their message to everyone I knew. It was my way of thanking them for understanding my
problems. I was not alone after all. Although I knew in my heart, I would never be the same again. I could never trust
again. It was the worst pain I had felt in my life. My pillow filled with my tears as I drifted into my slumber.
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