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March 2006 - Phoenix New Times
Numbers on Napkins

Dirty rotten party punks Numbers on Napkins turn out sex-rock ballsy
enough to take punk back from all the skater church kids who seem
intent on defanging it. Numbers sing about real subtle stuff —
blowjobs, drunkenness and castration top the band’s lyrical platform.
Now, granted, lyrics like “My girlfriend bit my dick off/No more dick
for me/How will I pee?” may not rank up there with something off Let
It Be, but c’mon, it’s punk rock! Playing straight-ahead party punk in
the vein of The Vandals and Screeching Weasel, these guys want
you to get drunk and laid, especially if they can follow suit. And
listening to Numbers will clarify for chick-punk fans everywhere that
real punk rock doesn’t stem from whiny songs about how a girl won’t
return your text messages. Instead, it’s all about middle-finger
attitude. — Casey Lynch
Jan 13, 2005 - Phoenix New Times
Nominated for Best Pop Punk Band and Best Melodic Punk Band
at the upcoming AZ Ska-Punk Awards (February 28, in case you
need time to reserve a safety-pinned tux), the guys in Numbers on
Napkins punch the nerd-pop clock for most of their jocular Waiting
for Tomorrow CD, only really emerging as truly persuasive punks
when they rag on a former member, Jason Coleman, whom they
accuse of fiscal impropriety on "Burning Bridges." Trial bile: "Look
at your reflection/A man who has no friend who pays for drugs and
baby food with money from all the other bands." Tough stuff -- and
Coleman merits another flipped bird in the liner's anti-thanks list,
along with Ralph Nader, "the cheap shot faggot bouncer at Club
Rio," and "Glendale officer Kris Lewis for going out like a chicken
fuck bitch and fucking us over." Since none of them is likely to buy
this CD and read NON's dedication, we thought it was worth
repeating here.   
- Serene Dominic
July 2006 - Phoenix New Times
Numbers on Napkins

This CD is like an old, crusty friend who jams safety pins through his
nostril, shaves his pubic hair into an anarchy symbol, and makes
coffee with the water from hot dog packages — it's just so inane and
fun. Let's get something straight about Numbers on Napkins — this
is punk in its most primal form, harking back to the days when punk
rock was about Sid Vicious onstage, bleeding all over a bass that
was never plugged in 'cause he didn't really know how to play it. NoN
is similarly sloppy and obnoxious, but the band's music is a hell of a
lot of fun. The four-piece's raucous diddle ditty "Another Song
Maximum Rock 'N' Roll Won't Like" clocks in at just under two
minutes, but they manage to cram numerous uses of the words
"cock," "faggot," and "fuck" into the first 15 seconds, and then
ridiculously rip off the choruses of rock chart-toppers "It's Still Rock
and Roll to Me" by Billy Joel, "It's Only Rock 'N' Roll (But I Like It)" by
the Rolling Stones, and KISS' "Rock and Roll All Nite." NoN is its
best here — short and snarky. But when the band tries to craft a
radio-friendly pop-punk number about a girl ("Precious Cargo"),
things get horribly bland and sound like a drunken Ataris jam.
Explorations like "The Last Song" aren't too bad, but that's because
the song doesn't sound formulaic — the mix of psychedelic
keyboards, punk guitar, and falsetto vocals produces a unique,
"groovin'-in-the-gutter" sort of feeling. The hidden track at the ass-
end of the CD is interesting, to say the least. It's basically almost five
minutes of impersonations — including Sean Connery and Arnold
Schwarzenegger — that begins with somebody saying, "Numbers
on Napkins — the guys that T-balled my head with their ball sacks.
Their hairy ball sacks!"  - Niki D'Andrea
CD Baby Reviews (more at:
Numbers On Napkins Deliver a Comical Punch of Punk Rock!
Numbers On Napkins deliver a comical punch with their debut CD
release Waiting for Tomorrow. The album is a good blend of
mostly melodic and sometimes even poppy punk rock. Songs like
"Quit yer job and become a rockstar" and "True Love" have an
almost old school tone, while other tracks like Runaway and
Broken have a mainstream style. The album's tone overall is
humerous and if anything it will bring laughter to a room. A must
have for fans of NOFX and Guttermouth.   - Johnny Laundromat

Waiting for Tomorrow gets an A+
After a long wait, Numbers On Napkins their debut full length
"waiting for Tomorrow". I was really looking forward to this CD.
Waiting for Tomorrow has great lyrics about relationships and
heartbreak, and some not so great (however very funny and witty)
lyrics about overwieght women and silicone breasts. My only
complaint was the short run time. Everything else gets an A+! The
CD insert is very impressive and the recording is up to par with
major label bands. Overall the album is very impressive, especially
for a relatively new band.  - Weaselette
October 2006 - Zia Zine
Numbers on Napkins

You've got to admire a punk band that celebrates unapologetic
stadium rock, calls one number “Another Song Maximum Rock 'n'
Roll Won't Like” and then name-checks two of the genre's laziest-
ever anthems (“It's Still Rock and Roll to Me” and “It's Only Rock and
Roll”). This is head and shoulders above NoN's last local
release, and it still sounds unpolished but in an era of gleaming well-
produced nerds masquerading as punks, that's probably a good
thing. They have the good sense to follow a near-wimpy torch song
with “My Girlfriend Bit My D--k Off” and close the proceedings with a
bona fide stadium-rock anthem, the narcissistically funny “TheLast
Song.” Sample boast: “When you're with him tonight, you'll bite your
lip, close your eyes and be thinking of me.” Gene Simmons couldn't
have leered it any better. — Serene Dominic
January 2011 - Phoenix New Times
July 2009 - Phoenix New Times
Numbers on Napkins
Borrachos, Chingasos, y Rucas

Basics: How about some good ol' fashioned AZ punk, compliments
of local quartet Numbers On Napkins. Lead by the prolific Chase
Stain, Borrachos was produced by Joe Queer of, oddly enough, The
Queers while being engineered by Landmine Marathon's Ryan

That's a pretty impressive pedigree for Numbers On Napkins and
their latest effort. So how does it all add up?

Best Song: "Forget This, I'm Going To Tokyo" was the leader from
the get-go. I just wish they would have put this song first on the
album, but we'll get to that song later. "Forget This" is a perfect punk
song with just the right amount of pop thrown in for good measure.
They keep things pretty damn simple, and that's a plenty good thing.
The song sound slick and polished, another plus considering that
Joe Queer has quite a pedigree in the pop punk world. Leading off
the song with Stain's thumping bass line is a bold move for a punk
band, but damn if they don't make it work.

Worst Song: That aforementioned first song on the album,
"Summer of Chase" is a goofy little throwaway song. It would have
been fine buried at the end of the album, but instead it leads things
off. I had never heard NoN's music before listening to Borrachos,
and upon hearing "Summer of Chase," I was decidedly hesitant.
Thank god the rest of the album is nowhere near as slow and clunky
as the song. Lyrics like "Relax / Cold beer in my hand / I'm smokin' a
smoke / With my sunglasses on" dabble on the border of
cringeworthy. I know cigarettes are often referred to as "smokes,"
but come on now -- "smokin' a smoke?" What the hell else are you
going to do, chew it?

Suggestions: What was wrong with the band's former name Yars
Revenge? I personally love that name, having played the game
extensively in my youth. I'm sure copyright issues may have put a
wrench in those plans, but I still think the name could have worked.
Also, we all dearly miss the National Lacrosse League in Arizona,
but wearing not one, but two different Arizona Sting shirts in pictures
for the CD insert is a bit overkill, NoN drummer Tad Gurthman.

Grade: B-

Michael Lopez
Numbers on Napkins
Forget This, I'm Going to Tokyo

Grade: C+

As past installments of You Asked For It have demonstrated, I've
rarely been impressed by Phoenix punk bands. Numbers on
Napkins, this week's pick, fall somewhere in the middle of the pack.
They aren't nearly as awful as, say, VW Trainwreck and The Video
Nasties, nor are they anywhere near as good as 80*D.

Starting off with a title track that features some of the better bass
playing you'll hear from a Valley band, NoN shows they can at least
write decent melodies, unlike many of their peers. Sure, the
recording quality leaves a lot to be desired -- some of the percussion
ends up sounding like the weird blips your computer makes when
you try to do something your operating system won't allow -- but at
least there's some substance underneath.

The second song, "Go Away," has another great bass line, and riffs
that remind me of something Noodles would have played in his early
days. "Ten Years Ago Today," an old punk's lament on the changing
scene and his shrinking role in it, is the emotional heart of the record,
and pretty much earned the "+" on this record's C grade on it's own.

From there, though, it's all downhill. By the end we're listening to men
way too old to be lustful adolescents serenading a female volunteer
(the band has an all-female fan club, pictured on their MySpace) with
a song called "True Love." The girl's name is "Destiny" and so the
song goes:

"Destiny, Destiny, Destiny: she sucks a mean dick.... You know she
rarely drags her teeth, when she's sucking on my meat. Destiny,
Destiny, Destiny: She sucks a mean dick."

Oof. Given that, a C+ seems overly generous, I know. But, hey, like I
said, "Ten Years Ago Today" is pretty impressive.